please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
