I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
