my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
