Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
