I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
