I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Randomize
