I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
