I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
