Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
