i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
