Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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