I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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