There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
