yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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