Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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