Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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