Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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