this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
