I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
