Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Found the puke drawer
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
