Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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