and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
