I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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