I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We have so much sex to catch up on
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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