Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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