Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
