She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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