Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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