Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
