ya dads aren't the best wingmen
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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