got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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