I like to think it a success when the cops are called
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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