Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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