Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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