margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
