How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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