I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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