My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
