I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
