when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
