He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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