She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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