so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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