First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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