This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You took a bar mat shot.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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