hell yes lets make some ravioli
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm getting married
To pizza
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
