As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Liz is crying about burritos again.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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