I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
