so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
