Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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