I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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