I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Still dying that you shit outside
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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