You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
