When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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