She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Randomize
