ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
